I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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