Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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