Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
