If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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