you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
