sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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