Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
