She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
