In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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