my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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