Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
