Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
