She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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