he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
