This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I deserve this hangover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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