Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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