I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize