It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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