I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
