Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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