the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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