Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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