watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
