I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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