I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Screwed.edu
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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