you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
