honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
