I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
