Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize