She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Floor bacon is actually really good
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
