Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize