You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
