...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
