I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
