A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
