One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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