I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
