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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
