i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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