I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
