My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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