I can't watch pbs sober anymore
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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