She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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