she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
