the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize