I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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