I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
