True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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