Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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