the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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