oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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