Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
