piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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