i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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