No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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