Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
