now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I didn't notice because vodka
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
