OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
