we're chasing vodka with high fives
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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