You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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