The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
