Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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