And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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