either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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