eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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