I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
