there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
