I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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