if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
