you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
