Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
