every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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