last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
