Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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