I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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