So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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