new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
