Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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