I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
