I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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