so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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